The Washington Post

What did I do to deserve Glenn Beck?

I’m not saying God is causing Glenn Beck. What God does is God’s business. But I’ll tell you this, whether you call it Gaia or whether you call it Jesus, there’s a message being sent. “Hey, you know that stuff we’re doing? It’s not really working out. Maybe we should stop doing some of it.”

I’m just paraphrasing here, from some remarks Glenn Beck made about the Japanese disaster.

Look, we all know that plate movement, not the sins of individuals, is responsible for tragedies like this. But whenever Glenn Beck says something on the air, I often get the feeling I’m being punished for a sin I’m not sure I committed.

“Why, Lord?” I inquire, as I watch him draw a chart of the Caliphate Conspiracy. “What was it this time? Is this because of the bad stuff that I’m doing? I don’t know what it is, but I can guarantee that I will quit doing it if it will make Glenn Beck get off the television.”

I feel embarrassed and guilty whenever I turn on the television and hear him suggesting that this tragedy in Japan may be A Punishment From on High. It’s silly, it’s distracting, it’s the opposite of helpful, and it gives me an overwhelming urge to mend my ways. Just show me how, Lord! I’ll stop reading newspapers and then returning them to the rack without purchasing them! I’ll stop stealing my neighbors’ WiFi! I’ll stop using Facebook during work hours! Anything! I’ll even reread Leviticus!

Just make it stop.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences".


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