And trust me, Google, you don’t want people to miss out on the non-stop, riveting thrill ride that is my daily life.
Here is a sample of what people who gaze at my life through these glasses will get to experience.
— Hours indoors, staring aimlessly at a screen.
— Hours indoors and out staring aimlessly at a smaller screen.
— Hours indoors staring intently at a larger screen.
— Occasional bouts of talking with people while furtively checking smaller screen under table.
— Brief abortive attempt to read an actual book, lasting no more than 20 minutes.
— Hours driving, pretending I am not also consulting the small screen in my pocket at stoplights.
— Moment when I really think I’m going to go for an actual jog but then don’t.
— Daily, dutiful pursuit of The Writer’s Life (Hours indoors staring at cursor blinking on and off on a blank screen.)
— Commute to work on bus during which attempts to Google strangest things possible in order to discomfit person reading weird erotica next to me.
— Intermittent periods of work (see MS Paint representation below)
What can I say?
Anything that brings me closer to the inevitable Robot Hive Mind that is our future, I am in favor of. Also, anything that lets me Google things with my eyes. Look, the only reason I want not to be staring at a screen is because I’m staring through an even cooler, more lightweight screen. Getting rid of the screen is not an option.