You can tell that Kim Jong Un is serious about this U.S. MAINLAND STRIKE PLAN because there are three phones on the desk with him. Not three cell phones. Three land lines.

Modified by James Pearson of NK News (KCNA)

If that isn’t enough to fill you with terror and a sense of the glorious purpose with which this world leader is burdened, I don’t know what is.

He has a Mac (as numerous writers point out, a product of the very nation against which he is leveling these ominous threats). He has some Actual Physical Printed Maps.

And those three land-line phones. That terrifies me. The idea that North Korea not only is making vague ominous highly theatrical threats, but is making them with technology Several Decades Behind Its Prime. I don’t know whether to laugh or to laugh while backing away slowly with one finger on the Emergency Call button. “We mean business,” this photo says, “1988 America, quake!”

I just want to know what the prop guy was thinking. “One land-line phone might not look sufficiently menacing. Two would look like carelessness. Three — that’s serious business. And the photo cuts off so you can’t tell whether those are just a few samples of a theoretically limitless army of land-line phones, ready to spring into action.” If he wanted to make it really frightening, he should have added a pager.

I’m also a little baffled by the targets. If this is fiction, it is oddly conceived. Hawaii, DC, and Los Angeles? Sure.

D.C. is an obvious target. Los Angeles is DC for attractive people, by the converse of the old rule. Hawaii — well, that’s President Obama’s equivalent of Alderaan and shows that they mean business.

But — Austin, Texas?

What has Austin ever done? Even Drudge found this one beyond the pale.

Austin hosts the O. Henry Pun-Off, a national treasure! Austin has wonderful barbecue. Austin’s motto is Keep Austin Weird. Why Kim Jong Un would single out for elimination such a bastion of weirdness is beyond me, especially given his well-documented fondness for Dennis Rodman.

Combine that with the landlines, and yes, it’s unnerving, but more in the sense of “This pageant has gone horribly awry after the prop guy forgot he was supposed to bring anything invented after 1980” than in the sense of “Thank you, I’ll go duck, cover, and cower under that desk now.” Which is probably for the best.