Friday brought the news that Democratic senators Senator Heidi Heitkamp of North Dakota and Joe Donnelly of Indiana had joined the avalanche of support for gay marriage.
At this news, early supporters like Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) and Al Franken (D-Minn.) were (or should have been) observed silently throwing up their hands and thinking loudly to themselves that supporting basic human equality was a lot more fun before it went mainstream.
They were here, planting tree boxes, painting over hateful graffiti, and encouraging the arts scene way before even Joe Biden discovered what a fun place this was and started talking to his friends (and certain TV hosts) about it.
And now everybody’s showing up. It’s worse than Williamsburg.
“People used to think you were courageous for coming here,” Kirsten Gillibrand thought loudly. “Now everyone knows it’s safe, there’s a big line of people waiting to get in, and the foam parties had to be severely scaled back.”
Yup, the club of prominent Senate endorsers of gay marriage is a lot more crowded and less edgy than it used to be. Urban Outfitters offers the same policy positions that you had to hunt through thrift stores for months to obtain — and that all your friends insisted were so uncool. Yuppies are showing up in the coffee shops even though they clearly don’t understand the irony behind the store names.
“You used to be able to feel like you were really courageous and out-there for supporting something that seemed like a fairly basic measure of equality,” muttered one of the first senators, leaving the Support for Gay Marriage club after it turned out to be packed with freshmen senators who didn’t realize how good they had it.
“It just stopped being as exciting after Harry Reid showed up with an elaborate plaid outfit that CLEARLY was just American Apparel,” muttered another early adopter. “Please, you’re only here because Joe Biden said it was cool.”
“Look, I get it,” the spirit of Ted Kennedy added, remembering his speech against DOMA on the Senate floor, “you want to make sure you don’t embarrass your grandkids by being on the wrong side of history, all that. I get it. Everyone knows where the cool place is to be, these days. But now it’s getting hard to find courageous positions that still deserve the name. At the rate we’re going, people will have to start taking principled stands on — economic issues. And those are so much harder to reach by subway.”
He sadly sipped his PBR.