It’s a fitting conclusion to the life of someone who, in the course of committing himself so loudly and grotesquely to hate (it was even on his bumper stickers), wound up proving again and again how much love there was in people. He would show up at a funeral with his family and their hideous signs, and others would rally. Even the KKK showed up. When the KKK Imperial Wizard comments that, compared to you, he is not a “hate-monger,” and says he “thinks that it’s an absolute shame that [the WBC] show up and disrupt people’s funerals” — well, need you say more? It’s like a twist on the old Churchill analogy about Hitler invading Hell.
A lot of people who set out to do good and advance the cause of love don’t accomplish this much. Thank you to Mr. Phelps, in a strange, strange way, for proving us right. Hate is well-publicized, but small. Love was bigger. He showed up with his signs, and people responded with a Wall of Love. He kept achieving the opposite of what he set out to do. He faxed tons and tons of complaints about — they passed a law against fax harassment. He showed up at funerals with his Hateful Signs, and people gathered to shield the mourners, or the Patriot Guard riders showed up, or even the KKK did. He tested our commitment to free speech, even extreme and ugly speech, and — yup, it is still strong.
The best arguments against some causes are their adherents.
He became the face of hate. The face of hate was protesting funerals and forcing children to hold up big odious signs. It wasn’t good PR for hate. He made hate look hateful.
“Gee,” you thought. “If these are the people think being gay is wrong, maybe thinking that is wrong. This is horrible. Can you direct me to where there is tolerance? I don’t want to be on the same side of history as these folks.” Since he began drawing attention in the 1990s, look what tolerance and love have achieved: the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, the spread of marriage equality to seventeen states and Washington DC — and the list goes on.
Admittedly, he proved that there are more good people than not in much the way that somebody smashing a pane of glass proves that there are a lot of good window-repair shops in the world. You wish you didn’t have to bother. But it’s good to know.
So don’t dance on the grave. Don’t cheer. It’s an understandable urge. Instead:
-Stop picketing funerals at all, ever, full stop. It is a terrible way of getting attention.
-Play with a kid. Do not hand that kid a hateful sign. Again, this should go without saying.
-Send someone a thank-you note.
-Call your grandmother.
-Take a nap.
-Make a big colorful sign that says something polite. Take it to a place that is not a funeral.
-Love your neighbor.
-Stand up for someone who is being shouted down.
-Treat people like people.
-Make a sandwich.
-Feel the urge to say something hateful. Don’t succumb. Know you’re better than that. You are.
If his life kept proving anything, it was that.