Here's one I made earlier.
Here’s one I made earlier.

“The scare tactics have not worked,” S. E. Cupp announced on CNN’s Crossfire to Bill Nye Tuesday night.

“Isn’t it a problem when SCIENCE GUYS attempt to bully other people?” Cupp went on, later. “I mean, Nick here had to say, I’m not a denier, because really the science group has tried to shame anyone who dares question this and the point I was trying to make is, it’s not working with the public.”

I am glad that someone is finally addressing the serious problem of bullying by scientists! It has gone on much, much too long.

Especially bullying by climate change scientists.

Do these scientists think they just OWN the place? Among the incidents of bullying that have been swept under the rug, to join dust mites and the occasional bit of data the scientists didn’t like, here are a few of the painful moments that have been reported.

-Several members of the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology were cornered by scientists on their way to a hearing. Their lunch money was taken from them, their suit-jackets were removed, and they were forced to stand in a row and chant “MAN-MADE GLOBAL WARMING IS A LEGITIMATE PROBLEM!” until the scientists told them they could stop.

-The same committee members, returning from the hearing, were cornered by the scientists again. Scientists took their shoes, tied the laces together, and threw them up onto a roof. Then the scientists delivered a long PowerPoint about how carbon emissions were out of control, using hurtful blame-y words.

-Scientists told one victim he needed to “control his emissions,” which struck him as mean. He retorted that “The one who smelt it is the one who dealt it,” but scientists were rude and dismissive to him.

-When an unidentified climate change denier grew a “much more fetching” beard, scientists walked up to him openly and said, quote, “You are destroying the planet for our children and grandchildren,” a remark the victim was pretty sure was supposed to implicate the beard. Victim notes that when Al Gore grew a beard, those scientists didn’t go out of their way to say anything bad about it.

-A cable news host reported that people kept trying to kick him. Later he realized that scientists had cleverly attached a “Kick Me If You Care About Charismatic Megafauna” sign to the back of his jacket.

-Scientists spread a cruel rumor on Facebook about one prominent climate-change denier that the “brilliant model with authentic curves” he claimed his life revolved around “was not based in reality.”

-As part of a clever, mean prank staged by scientists, whole country experiencing what this newspaper describes as staggering amount of “sea-level rise, flooding, storm surges, precipitation and heat waves in the Northeast; frequent water shortages and hurricanes in the Southeast and the Caribbean; and more drought and wildfires in the Southwest.”

Stop it, scientists. It’s gone far enough.