Well, folks, the Internet’s two favorite non-cat things — Nazis and Grammar — have now combined forces. (I say “favorite” in the sense that the Internet loves to conclude every discussion by talking about Nazis, even and especially discussions to which Nazis are basically not relevant, not in the sense that the Internet is actually fond of the ideology involved.) For the rest of us, the writing is on the wall.
Ah, the Grammar Nazi, bane of message boards everywhere. Snipping off the threads of dangling participles. Pulling up alongside your car and demanding proper identification for your unclear antecedent. Demanding to know why you allowed a Who in place of a Whom. Stopping run-on sentences at the border. I’m sure later this evening one will come rap on my door and ask ominous questions about these sentence fragments that I’m trying to pass off as a paragraph.
And now, the Actual Nazi Party appears to be turning into a party of Grammar Nazis. They tweeted, on Saturday:
It really isn’t that difficult to use correct spelling and grammar. Be professional and disciplined in everything that you do for the cause.
— American Nazi Party (@ANP14) May 31, 2014
Then again, perhaps they aren’t quite the sticklers they claim. As Ben Mathis-Lilley at Slate points out, their site has a spelling error in their very first FAQ answer. Nazis they may be. Grammar Nazis they aren’t.
Then again, this means that there is a large gap left open for the formation of an American Grammar Nazi party. This could be an ideal solution — all the matching outfits, unison marching and shiny footwear, none of the, well, Nazism. Get some armbands with semicolons on them, arm everyone with an AP Style Guide and unleash us to pass judgment on your sentences. Rally against the run-on! It’s time someone put those misplaced modifiers back in their place! Hail, Grammar!
I’m just saying, there’s a niche.
(Of course, by one of the unshakeable laws of the Internet, anything you write in which you go on and on about how much you value grammar inevitably contains some sort of massive solecism. I don’t know what it is, this time, but I am sure it is there, like the insect that haunts my shower. What is it? Form up, below, and tell me.)