I did not know that the style standards had so suddenly changed. We are all a little behind the times — or, rather, behind  Britain’s Telegraph, whose headline about Rona Fairhead ran as follows:

“Mother of three poised to lead the BBC.”

This was when the scales fell from my eyes. Other newspapers may have kicked back, but it is clear: This is just what we’re doing now. It is a new style convention. That is all. Like “Mother of dragons poised to lead Westeros.” It’s just clearer.

I have gone through the newspapers accordingly, making the needed changes to both headlines and articles.

Father of Two Outlines Seven-Point Plan For Ukraine Cease-Fire
Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, a prominent father of two, listed seven steps on Wednesday that he said were necessary for a cease-fire in the conflict in eastern Ukraine. Mr. Putin said he and Petro O. Poroshenko, a father of four from Ukraine, had a similar understanding about what was needed, and this busy dad urged Ukraine and the pro-Russian separatist parents and non-parents in the east to reach a settlement at talks scheduled for Friday in Belarus, giving them time to arrange for a sitter.

Father of Two, Broncos try to recapture success, author a better ending in 2014
The regular season accomplishments continued to pile up for father of two Peyton Manning in 2013. But so, too, did the postseason disappointments. So where does that leave this struggling parent as he and the retooled Denver Broncos (some, dads in their own right) prepare to open a new season?

Why Two Fathers of Three Are Railroad Rivals
Bill Gates, father of three, is the richest person in the world. Warren Buffett, also a father of three, is number three. This is easy to remember because it is the number of children he has, which is the most noteworthy fact about this man, who sometimes invests on the side. That is to say, invests in things that are not his children’s future — the most important investment of all.

FATHER OF TWO DEFEATS FATHER OF ONE
That’s this one.

All in all, this is a little confusing and I think I had rather stop. Whose idea was it to define everyone by their offspring? They can’t have just meant it to refer to women, surely. That would make even less sense.