The light has gone out of the universe. Instagram must fly at half-staff. Who else will supply us with such images, now that he is gone?
And now the images themselves aren’t working! I will need a thousand words to do them justice.
From the very second picture, where he sipped Mountain Dew, the only spot of color in a bleak black and white landscape you knew: This was no ordinary Congress member. This was something else altogether.
Each picture is worth a thousand words, and then a hundred more, and then another hundred, and then a second thousand. That selfie, with Ariana Grande. The concerts. The jumps off diving boards.
The shirtless surfing pictures. Ah, the shirtless surfing pictures.
We should have known that he was destined to vanish out of the halls of Congress, a place where, in order to create anything like the color and drama of a single Schock photo, “House of Cards” has to MAKE UP literally EVERYTHING.
What’ll we do when he is far away? What’ll we do? We’ll have to go back to pretending that shot after decorous shot of shaking hands with local worthies at a town hall is in any way pulse-pounding or thrilling. Chuck Grassley’s Twitter remains to us, but that is all.