“I never travel anywhere without my pet flag.” (Alex Wong/Getty Images)

“I grew up listening to classic rock and I’ll tell you sort of an odd story. My music tastes changed on 9/11. And it’s a very strange—I actually, intellectually, find this very curious, but on 9/11, I didn’t like how rock music responded. And country music collectively, the way they responded, it resonated with me and I have to say, it—just as a gut level, I had an emotional reaction that says, ‘These are my people.’ And so ever since 2001 I listen to country music . . .”
— Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.), in an interview with “CBS This Morning

America!

Based on this answer, here is a questionnaire I have filled out on Ted Cruz’s behalf. You’re welcome, America!

What is your favorite classic rock band?
America, definitely. Just something about the name. It sings to you. It’s curious. A-Me-rica. Say it loud and there’s music playing. Say it soft and it’s almost like praying. It resonates with me.

What’s your favorite food?
Apple pie, I would say. I used to like Turkish Delight but that stopped after the White Witch released me from her servitude, you ever bet.

What are your favorite books?
I don’t read books that are not the Constitution. I have several copies of that on my desk and one that I wear over my heart, next to of course the Bible, both to protect me in the event that I go to war to protect this great country that I love and to have on hand at all times in case I need a little light reading.

What pop artists do you enjoy?
Not Justin Bieber, that’s for sure. He’s a Canadian, which is something that I am not.

What is your favorite color?
I can’t pick just one! Blue. No, white. No, red. That’s like forcing someone to choose between tax reform and entitlements reform! Come on!

What’s your favorite clothing store?
American Apparel.

What do you do to relax?
I play baseball with a hopeful child. Or feed my pet eagle. (Though can an eagle ever really be a pet when they are born so free? It’s curious. I prefer to call him a “companion eagle,” who has deigned to vouchsafe me his company.) Sometimes I’ll clear a little brush while holding the Bible in one hand. You know, just your typical stuff.

What’s a day in the life of Ted Cruz?
In the morning I wake up to the sound of a rooster, like so many other hard-working Americans. Then I — well, obviously — hop into my beat-up Ford truck and drive past a field of corn that I have planted with my own hands, and, naturally, brew a cup of black coffee. Then I watch a CBS show or crime procedural while drinking a Budweiser and eating a hot dog and chase it all with a slice of apple pie. Unless there is football on, in which case I will watch that. I’m weird that way. Then I wrap myself in an American flag and go to sleep clutching my stuffed scale replica of the Statue of Liberty. While asleep I try if possible to dream about Thomas Jefferson, although not in a Freudian way at all.

What are your hobbies?
Aspiring, I would say. I spend a lot of time aspiring and dreaming and thinking about ways to provide for my family. Mourning the loss of the Five-Dollar Footlong. Daring greatly.

Describe yourself in one word?
Relatable. No, American. Relatable-American. Yes.