They’re actually making a live-action Winnie the Pooh film. And it’s not directed by Wes Anderson! What’s going on in this world?

Apparently, it stars an adult Christopher Robin who has to return to the Hundred Acre Wood of his youth? This sounds like a recipe for nothing good — or “Toy Story 3.” One of the two.

But live-action? I’m skeptical. The nice thing about animation is that it can strike a happy medium between Stuffed Teddy Bear and Actual Live Bear. Live-action has to pick one. Neither is quite right.

So I have no idea what this will entail. Also, having actual talking live-action animals will remind us that most of the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood are locked in Predator/Prey/What’s-That-Kangaroo-Doing-Here? relationships. All the years of work convincing me that Pooh only craves misspelled Hunny is going to go to waste. When I see a bear, I see a bear. At best, they will be scary. At worst, it will do for bears and piglets and kangaroos what Avatar did for creepy blue cat-alien people: namely, fix them as the fantasy objects of way, way too many people. Either way, we lose.

A few options of how this might go:

1) Christopher Robin approaches a bear. “I will call you Winnie,” he says. “Winnie the Pooh.” The bear eats him.

2) Tigger appears in a TV ad campaign for Save The Tigers foundation. “The most wonderful thing about tiggers,” Leonardo DiCaprio reads in a sad voiceover, “is … I’m the only one.” At the end of the spot, Tigger eats Leonardo DiCaprio.

3) The movie is just a YouTube clip with 3 million views called “This Pig And This Bear Are Best Friends And You Won’t Believe What Happens Next.”

4) It turns out that what Eeyore is permanently sad about is the fact that they made a live-action movie of Winnie the Pooh.