She’s not just running — she’s driving! Well, passenging. Politico reports: “While she has no planned pit stops on her road trip — which was her own idea — the candidate stopped by a gas station in Pennsylvania on Sunday. She later tweeted a picture of the stop, saying, “Road trip! Loaded the van & set off for IA. Met a great family when we stopped this afternoon. Many more to come. -H”
That’s right. Hillary Clinton is taking a Spontaneous Totally Unplanned Road Trip. Nothing says “Hillary Clinton 2.0” like “Spontaneous, Totally Unplanned Things That Revolve Around Real People (TM).”
Chuck Todd praised the gesture, tweeting, “So hard in this new media age to do anything that looks spontaneous to political world. This Hillary road trip idea has done just that.”
I can’t wait to see what the road trip includes. No copies of the following itinerary were provided to the media, because, again, this trip is Spontaneous Hillary 2.0.
10. Surprise picture with totally unprepared students who just happen to be painting a detailed American flag mural on a wall and may or may not feel spontaneously moved to sing and sign “God Bless America.”
9. Meet-and-greet at a rest-stop McDonald’s with 10 stunned locals. You can tell these locals were stunned because all of them are wearing pins that read “I Do Not Expect to Run Into Hillary Clinton Today.”
8. At exactly 11:43 a.m., a bluebird may just happen to land on Hillary Clinton’s shoulder.
7. A parade may or may not be going through town that just might need some kind of marshal to stand on the middle float or something.
6. Three-fourths of a string quartet might happen to be standing in front of a Pennsylvania filling station, needing someone who can play the viola part of “Nearer My God to Thee” — something it turns out that Hillary Clinton just might be able to do, flawlessly.
5. A small hopeful child, a farmer, an old man with a raven and two old women with spindles may or not all be encountered at exactly the points along the journey that would make most sense for the narrative.
4. Hillary Clinton may or may not encounter a crowd waving palm fronds and shouting “We Just Happen to Be Shouting Hosanna, Whether or Not Anyone Is Heading This Way” as she emerges from an Exxon just off the interstate.
3. Three proud Iowans may or may not be standing casually next to a stop sign practicing a choreographed dance that Hillary Clinton — in a sudden stroke of luck — might just be able to execute flawlessly.
2. A sword will just happen to be in a stone at an Iowa rest stop, waiting for someone to pull it out.
1. Hillary Clinton will have several normal relatable human interactions with real people that were not in any way planned or choreographed and will doubtless look great on Instagram!