Some young adult heroes.
Some young adult heroes.

Happy birthday, Shakespeare!

The Bard remains relevant, even 451 years after after his birth, generally thought to have occurred April 23, 1564. (He also died on April 23, in 1616.) But technology is catching up with many of his plots, as I have suggested before. We could, in fact, use technology to resolve if not a majority then definitely a solid number of his most famous plays.


“The Winter’s Tale”
Leontes: are you cheating on me with my best friend?
Hermione: no

Othello: are you cheating on me with my best friend?
Desdemona: no

“Much Ado About Nothing”*
Claudio: are you cheating on me?
Hero: no

“The Merry Wives of Windsor”
Mr. Page: are you cheating on me with that fat man?
Mistress Page: what? no
Mr. Ford: are you cheating on me with that fat man?
Mistress Ford: eew no

“The Tempest”
King Alonso: ferdinand we just got shipwrecked, u ok?
Ferdinand: ya

“Twelfth Night”
Viola: sebastian we just got shipwrecked, u ok?
Sebastian: ya

Hamlet: should i kill myself
Horatio: NO
Hamlet: or my uncle
Horatio: i didn’t realize you were still typing
you should do none of those things
Hamlet: or polonius
Horatio: dude
Hamlet: or talk to this skull
Horatio: stop

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
Hermia: what happened last night
Lysander: i want to say we were drugged by fairies
Helena: oh good that is what i remember
Demetrius: same
Hermia: just checking, which of us is in love with whom now?
Helena: Demetrius is in love with me
right Demetrius
Demetrius: yeah
Demetrius: seems right

“The Merchant of Venice”
Shylock: i’d like my pound of flesh now please
Antonio: there is literally NO WAY that is legally binding

“Julius Caesar”
Calpurnia: please don’t go to the forum today
Julius Caesar: I MUST
Calpurnia: but like could you not
Julius Caesar: nope

“Much Ado About Nothing”
*Beatrice swipes right*
*Benedick swipes right*

*Most comedies and a good number of tragedies as well, to be honest.