Happy birthday, Shakespeare!
The Bard remains relevant, even 451 years after after his birth, generally thought to have occurred April 23, 1564. (He also died on April 23, in 1616.) But technology is catching up with many of his plots, as I have suggested before. We could, in fact, use technology to resolve if not a majority then definitely a solid number of his most famous plays.
“The Winter’s Tale”
Leontes: are you cheating on me with my best friend?
Othello: are you cheating on me with my best friend?
“Much Ado About Nothing”*
Claudio: are you cheating on me?
“The Merry Wives of Windsor”
Mr. Page: are you cheating on me with that fat man?
Mistress Page: what? no
Mr. Ford: are you cheating on me with that fat man?
Mistress Ford: eew no
King Alonso: ferdinand we just got shipwrecked, u ok?
Viola: sebastian we just got shipwrecked, u ok?
Hamlet: should i kill myself
DUDE DON’T DO IT
Hamlet: or my uncle
Horatio: i didn’t realize you were still typing
you should do none of those things
Hamlet: or polonius
Hamlet: or talk to this skull
“A Midsummer Night’s Dream”
Hermia: what happened last night
Lysander: i want to say we were drugged by fairies
Helena: oh good that is what i remember
Hermia: just checking, which of us is in love with whom now?
Helena: Demetrius is in love with me
Demetrius: seems right
“The Merchant of Venice”
Shylock: i’d like my pound of flesh now please
Antonio: there is literally NO WAY that is legally binding
Calpurnia: please don’t go to the forum today
Julius Caesar: I MUST
I AM CAESAR
Calpurnia: but like could you not
Julius Caesar: nope
“Much Ado About Nothing”
*Beatrice swipes right*
*Benedick swipes right*
*Most comedies and a good number of tragedies as well, to be honest.