“Do I travel with a BlackBerry? I travel with a whole Ziploc bag of them! They’re a delicious snack.”
“Do I know where the hard drive is? I would say in New York City, any time you have to drive there is a hard drive.”
“File menu? I don’t know, what do files eat? Like appetizers?”
“Tweet? Like, caw? Like a bird sound? Look, this is all beyond me! I was born in 1947.”
“Reload the page? Like you’d reload a flint-lock musket? That was the last technology I would say I understood.”
“Did any of the e-mails come with attachments? You mean like were they Buddhist e-mails that had attained true enlightenment and broken free of the wheel of suffering and attachment?”
“Were there files attached? Like nail files? Probably not; it’s in a computer, after all. Not sure how that would work.”
“Information in the cloud? “The Cloud,” like the play by Aristophanes? No, I’m sorry, wait, that’s “The Clouds,” plural. I have even less idea what you’re talking about.”
“Do I use Apple products? Like juice?”
“Do I use Windows? That’s a really silly question — how do you think I see through walls?”
“Am I a PC user? Like political correctness? I think the term you want is ‘culturally sensitive.’ ”
“Any HP devices? Like Harry Potter devices? Like a wand? Ha, ha, ha, ha!”
“BCC? Like BC, like a date? Like a date in the distant distant past more than 2,000 years ago, when there was technology that I really did grasp?”
“Did I have an iPhone? Like a small gazelle?”
“The server? Like a waiter? Please, no waiter has access to any of these e-mails. I take privacy seriously.”