The cannons sound. The genetically modified wasps return to their lairs. The picture hangs in the sky. We’ve lost another tribute.
First, Rick Perry, of District 11. Now, Gov. Scott Walker, of District 10.
At least they never added insult to injury by making him join the JV debate.
He left the race by announcing on Monday evening that “Today, I believe that I am being called to lead by helping to clear the field in this race so that a positive, conservative message can rise to the top of the field. With this in mind, I will suspend my campaign immediately.”
What I think has happened is that Gov. Walker has left the race. What he says has happened is — he’s clearing a field of some kind, to help us feel more positive? Is this a crop circle situation?
I don’t mean to quibble with the words of someone who has evidently been through a lot this week, but as an example of the political euphemism, they’re really something else.
Let’s go through this, phrase by phrase.
“Today”: so far, so good
“I believe that I am being called to lead”: Did Autocorrect change this from “I am being called to leave”?
“by helping to clear the field in this race”: “I am being called to leave.” (Also, “clear the field”? “Helping to clear the field”? Whom is he helping? Is this a Tom Sawyer fence situation where Trump is convincing everyone that “clearing the field” will be more fun for them than it is for him? What field is this? Is this field located in Iowa?)
“so that a positive, conservative message can rise to the top of the field.”: Again, what field has he been watching? Perhaps this explains his performance so far: He has been running for the GOP nomination in a parallel reality where there is a “positive, conservative message” just waiting for Walker to leave so that it can rise to the top of the field. Here, on this side of reality, what will rise to the top of the field are such positive, conservative messages as “I would not advocate that we put a Muslim in charge of this nation” (Ben Carson) and ” RRRR RARR GRRR ARGH TRUMP” (Donald Trump). Or was Walker thinking of Rubio’s positive, conservative message (“Hey look! I’m still in the race, and I am not named Trump or Bush or in any way affiliated with Hewlett-Packard!”)?
I suppose we’re going to find out. After all, now there are only 129,572 candidates left!
May the odds be ever in your favor.
Here are some superheroes he enjoyed.
Pizza Rat! Pizza Rat! There’s a pizza rat!
This mnemonic no longer works.