Okay, I’ll bite. Donald Trump for speaker!
But if it suffices to say that he will be “yuge” and make “great deals, the greatest” — which he seems to think is enough to convince us that he would be a good president — then we are already halfway there. And maybe he’d be willing to raise the debt ceiling, or at least might know what a debt ceiling is, which puts him already in a class above Ben (“If It Is Possible To Say Something Wrong On Any Subject Then I Will Do So”) Carson.
So, why not! Trump for speaker! We know he can speak.
And as we all knew before (or will claim we knew before), the speaker does not have to be a member of Congress to be elected. Henry Clay was a freshman when he was named speaker, which is almost, though not quite, like not being in the House at all. “I’d rather be right,” he famously said, “than president.” (Clay’s slogan would need a little updating in Trump’s case — “I’d rather be wrong than president”? “I’d rather be president than right”? “I’d rather be FAR right (but only on some issues) than president”? Well, look, we could get there.) Why not Trump? I am sure that if Donald Trump were here right now he would insist that “Henry Clay? Loser. Big loser. Whiner and loser. Sick of him. Compare me with Henry Clay and there is no way you’ll lose!”
Being speaker of the House will offer all kinds of opportunities to make deals (something Trump claims to love), proximity to marble columns (something he loves even more) and chances to speak uninterrupted at great length. All this will entertain him and make him feel useful. With Trump thus distracted, the rest of the country can quietly sneak to its desks and try to get some work done without worrying that he is going to smash anything or start screaming about a wall again. We have just about had enough where that is concerned.
The biggest pro of Speaker Trump is that it will stop him from doing anything else. The biggest con is that it might stop Congress from doing anything else, too. Then again, in the House, if anything productive happens, everyone looks stunned and wonders what went wrong. It might just be perfect.