I think there is little question who won Tuesday’s debate. Hillary Clinton looked poised and presidential. Lincoln Chafee literally said that he was “a block of granite.”

But one question came up often enough that I think it deserves clarifying, once and for all.

ANDERSON COOPER: Secretary Clinton, how would you not be a third term of President Obama?
CLINTON: Well, I think that’s pretty obvious. I think being the first woman president would be quite a change from the presidents we’ve had up until this point, including President Obama.


COOPER: Why should Democrats embrace an insider like yourself?
CLINTON: Well, I can’t think of anything more of an outsider than electing the first woman president, but I’m not just running because I would be the first woman president.

There is such a thing as laying it on too thick. This might be it.

Just so we’re clear, once and for all: Hillary Clinton is not asking you to vote for her because of her last name, Clinton. She is asking you to vote for her because of her first name, Hillary, the name of a woman. Hillary is a woman. As such, she would be the first female president. This would be historic, because we have never elected a woman before, a woman such as Hillary, who is female.


Hillary has twice as many X chromosomes as anyone else on that stage.

The other candidates, if elected, might break ceilings made of wood or plaster, but she would break a ceiling made of just one thing: glass.


She is a mother. She is a girly, womanly, female, feminine dame, like which there is nothing, as they sang in “South Pacific.”

Not to rub it in, but when Outkast says “All right all right all right now LADIES” she says “Yeah!” and puts her hands in the air, because she is a lady. Who would be a female president, were she elected.

When Beyonce says “Girls, we run this mother” she is referring to people such as Hillary. Girls run this mother (the world). Hillary is among their number. Were she elected president, she would run the world literally, and this would be a historic day, the day when a woman president was elected.


Not to put too fine a point on it, but Hillary bets that she is the candidate on that stage most excited about International Women’s Day.

How else to put this? If she had to travel in time, she could only go back so far before things got hairy and she could not own land or property.


If she died, she could appear on the ten-dollar bill, because she is a woman, like they are going to put on the ten-dollar bill. Indeed, a historic woman.

If asked what leader on “Game of Thrones” she most resembled, she would say Daenarys, a woman who is a leader. She would not say Joffrey, although the men on the stage might. Joffrey is male, like the men. She is not male.


Who onstage possesses the parts that Republican male legislators most enjoy regulating? Hillary does.

Does that about cover it?

Look, I’m a woman too. I understand what is at stake here. I understand that a woman in the oval office would be significant. If I were running for this office, you can bet I would allude casually to my gender 100% of the time, saying things like “There is a VAS DEFERENS between me and my opponents here” and then high-fiving myself. But this is why I am not running.

Hillary, once is just fine.