Ammon Bundy departs after addressing the media at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge near Burns, Ore., on Jan. 4. (REUTERS/Jim Urquhart)
Columnist

Good news!

A group of people who are DEFINITELY NOT TERRORISTS has taken over a federal building in Oregon and refuse to leave, but, again, they are definitely not terrorists. They have guns, but — don’t worry! — they also have flags. And cowboy hats. And copies of the Constitution. So: not terrorists.

Let me stress again how little of a problem this is. Here is how the Associated Press described it: “A family previously involved in a showdown with the federal government has occupied a building at a national wildlife refuge in Oregon and is asking militia members to join them.”

This sounds like sort of a nice afternoon. Maybe there will be croquet.

I am a little confused about why we are not using more intense language to describe this (what do you have to occupy to get called a terrorist around here?) but I’ll go with it, if this is what we are doing.

Using this new style manual, here are some other suggestions for ways to refer to armed people allegedly committing crimes, provided they fit the Ammon Bundy model.

Assassination: A person strongly opposed to the continued existence of certain public figures took decisive action today, bringing his Second Amendment rights to bear.

Grand Theft Auto: Several individuals who strongly respect cars and believe that they should be under different ownership and that they might be more perfectly respected took strong and deliberate steps to repossess one earlier this month.

Arson: Someone who loves buildings decided to light one up today, big-time!

Duck: It walked and quacked like a duck but it had a cowboy hat so we knew there was nothing to fear from it.

Poacher: A lover of wildlife who wishes to showcase them more effectively within his home decided, today, to immobilize one permanently by making use of his constitutional right to bear arms.

Stalker: A lover of women followed one at a respectful distance for a period of time today in what some critics suggested might be defiance of a court order.

Torch-Wielding Mob Descends on The Beast’s Castle: A staunch advocate of individual rights invited others to join him in an outdoor expression of dissent using warm, natural lighting and moving to reclaim a castle owned by what appeared to be an abomination against God and Man.

Sacking A Village: A large group of personal liberty advocates got some healthy exercise today reclaiming a few items they said were rightfully theirs.

Mugging At Gunpoint: A valued citizen sought to increase his property holdings by making use of his Second Amendment rights today.

Invasion: A group of like-minded individuals moved to occupy an area of land whose ownership they disputed.

Terrorism: A family previously involved in a showdown with the federal government has occupied a building at a national wildlife refuge in Oregon and is asking militia members to join them.