Donald Trump seems to be having some trouble with stars lately.
-“Plain Star” or Star of David: What is a plain star? Paul Giamatti? You can tell these two apart because if you send a picture of Paul Giamatti to a journalist, it isn’t a weird threat.
-Starfish or Star of David: One of these lives under the sea, has five arms and appears on “Spongebob Squarepants.” The other one only appears on freeze-frames of “Spongebob Squarepants” episodes that have been heavily doctored by conspiracy theorists.
-Jesus Christ Superstar or Star of David: Both are stars associated with the Jewish tradition, so I can see how this confusion would occur.
-“Basic star” or Star of David: You can tell if what you have on your hands is a “basic star” by pointing off in the distance and shouting “PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE!” If the star immediately rushes off in the direction you indicated, it was a basic star.
-Normal, Regular Star or Star of David: One of these is a GIANT BALL OF EXPLOSIVE GAS located light-minutes or light-years away. There should be zero confusion here. Donald Trump is also a giant ball of explosive gas but he is located much nearer.
-Reality TV Star or Star of David: If Donald Trump puts one of these in a position where you see it next to Hillary Clinton, people will sigh and say, “Really? What a depressing set of options we have this year.” If Donald Trump puts the other one next to Hillary Clinton, people will also sigh and say “Really? What a depressing set of options we have this year.”
-Kenneth Starr or Star of David: If you put a picture of Kenneth Starr next to Hillary Clinton, people will object to that, too, but for different reasons.
-Death Star or Star of David: One of these is a giant, wasteful government spending project that is shaped like a small moon. The other is a historical symbol that you can’t pretend not to know the significance of in 2016.
-Stars and Bars or Star of David: The biggest difference between these is that only one of them is in an ugly meme that has been retweeted by Donald Trump. Yet.