Who knew that the real weapons of mass destruction were inside Colin Powell all this time?
Powell’s emails were hacked and leaked and had the rare effect of making everyone who saw them respect Powell more, because he rained shade on the just and the unjust alike.
The following are excerpts either from actual Colin Powell emails or the “Mean Girls” Burn Book. Good luck guessing which.
1. Hillary Clinton: A friend I respect. A 70-year-old person with a long track record, unbridled ambition, greedy, not transformational. For good reason she comes across as sleazy. Everything H.R.C. touches she kind of screws up with hubris.
2. Donald Trump: A national disgrace. Has no sense of shame. To go on and call him an idiot just emboldens him. A disaster.
3. George W. Bush: Made out with a hot dog.
4. Mitt Romney: A pusher. A sad old drug pusher.
5. Donald Rumsfeld: Should have been fired. Remember his tantrum vividly.
6. The Cheneys: Idiots.
7. George H. W. Bush: Made out with Coach Carr.
8. Roger Ailes: Takes medication for the boil on his back side
9. James Carville: A grotsky little byotch.
10. Bill Clinton: Still [verb]ing bimbos at home (according to the NYP).
3, 4, 7, 8, 9: Mean Girls
1, 2, 5, 6, 10: actual emails from four-star general and former secretary of State Colin Powell. Six for you, Colin. You go, Colin.