I have taken the liberty of giving some famous fictional speeches the treatment that Donald Trump’s very “Presidential” speech received (Marco Rubio’s word and capitalization, not mine).

Scar the Lion Addresses the Hyenas After Seizing the Throne:


“For the first time, I looked at Scar, and I saw a lion king.”

“A much-needed call for lion-hyena unity.”

Bane Addresses Gotham in ‘The Dark Knight Rises’:

“Wow. A very different Bane than we are accustomed to seeing.”

“This is Teleprompter Bane. For the first time, these were the words of someone with a vision for Gotham as a whole.”

“Bane signaled a real willingness to reach across the aisle here.”

“I have to differ with the rest of the panel. I could not understand a word he was saying through his Cthulhu-shaped face mask, and that took away from the speech for me. But I do agree that there was a real poetry in the few words I could understand over the terrified shrieks of children.”

“Ha ha, yes, Carl, he really grabbed everyone’s attention, didn’t he! This Bane is a showman!”

“A call to service, which I thought was really moving. ‘Step forward, those who would serve’ — this is the language of a leader, finally, not the series of subhuman grunts and mumblings we have been accustomed to. It was a departure, and, I think, a positive one. Now we just have to see if he can build on it.”

“‘This great city. It will endure. Gotham will survive. That’s poetry, Carl.”


Saruman’s Speech to the Uruk-Hai:

“This had a real lyrical quality and inspirational tone that has been absent from other Uruk-Hai speeches, which consist of grunts and thumping.”

“I don’t know about you, but I am ready to march on the Shire.”

“This was Teleprompter Saruman, not Twitter Saruman.”

Emperor Palpatine Proclaims a New Order:

“What was going on with his face? It looked melted.”

“I agree, Fodesinbeed. I found his face distracting. Palpatine needs to remember that holograms are a visual medium.”

“But on the whole, a rousing success.”

“Lots of applause lines. Thunderous applause, even. The kind of inspirational message that the galaxy needs right now. This is a man who wants to unite us.”

“He did, controversially, call the Jedi assassins and vow to hunt them down, but — on the whole, I thought he struck a good tone.”

“I think we’re really seeing for the first time someone with a unifying vision for the galaxy as a whole.”

“Apart from his announcement that he has turned the clone troopers into an army of stormtroopers, what I was most struck by was his tone. This was measured, deliberate — dare I say it? — inspirational. This was a man capable of uniting the entire galaxy under him.”

“Finally. A grown-up.”

“I liked that he did not cackle or murder anyone with Force lightning.”

“You have to admit it. This was a good speech.”