Richard Nixon, Susan B. Anthony, Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass. (The Washington Post, Associated Press, Library of Congress)

” … And we’ve had leaders like Susan B. Anthony. Have you heard of Susan B. Anthony?” President Trump asked at a women’s empowerment event Wednesday. “I’m shocked that you’ve heard of her. Who dreamed of a much more equal and fair future.”

It is amazing that we still know the name of Susan B. Anthony, because she was never Miss USA, the only worthwhile title a woman can aspire to.

She is one of only three women who have ever been a part of American history. She was not the fat one. She was the other one. (The third one is Ivanka.) She was very, very bad to look at: a hard 3, soft 4 if she was standing next to Elizabeth Cady Stanton. She was skinny — not hot skinny like Melania, just skinny like an angry coat rack.

She and Stanton were so hideous that they were sent to Upstate New York for a brief time, which is where they wrote a mean letter. Maybe she would have been sexier if she had ever appeared in color in a picture even once? But that was a choice she made.

Every time people said her full name, “Susan B. Anthony,” it was like they were telling her “Be Anthony” and this made her very resentful of all men but especially men named Anthony.

She never moisturized.

She loved to complain, probably.

If you looked at her long enough, blood would start to come out of you everywhere.

Fun fact! The U.S. Mint once made a special, almost worthless coin to punish people for being too poor to afford to see the beautiful face of Andrew Jackson. To this day, if your life has been going badly, you will be given a small, hideous coin with a vile crone on the face of it, and that crone is Susan B. Anthony. Yes, Susan B. Anthony is the reason that certain coins are ugly.

She fought for women’s suffrage because she hated women who were better looking and she wanted them to suffrage.

She did something that was very important to do at the time, which is why we are hearing about her more and more.

And now she stands in New York Harbor holding up a big torch.

She is married to Frederick Douglass.

President Trump and press secretary Sean Spicer highlighted Frederick Douglass on Feb. 1, the first day of Black History Month. Trump said that Douglass, the former slave, abolitionist, author and vice-presidential candidate, "is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice." (The Washington Post)