Starbucks announced on July 9 that it is planning to phase out all plastic straws from its 28,000 stores by 2020. (Douglas Curran/AFP/Getty Images)
Columnist

Starbucks is on track to get rid of its ubiquitous green plastic straws, because finally we have figured out what these things are doing to the environment and it is bad. But straws remain omnipresent in our language! For those seeking to be responsible and eliminate straws from other areas of their lives, here are some new phrases you can use.

“A straw-man argument” — 1. erroneous and overstated argument attributed to an opponent: a Twitter man argument; an argument embraced by a Twitter account ending with at least six numbers; a Kellyanne Conway Special; a “Gina Haspel is a milestone for all women” argument; 2. an easy thing to knock down because no one wants to support it: A cardboard-figurine-advertising-the-movie-‘Solo’ argument 

“Not care two straws” — not willing to give even a worthless and ubiquitous object about: Not give a Trump-Kim summit guarantee, not give a tweet; not give the two missing pieces of fabric that should have been shoulders but are for some reason missing from every shirt about; not give a salted caramel about; not give a Facebook birthday wish about.

“To draw straws” — to choose at random: to Trump-nominate.

“Pulled the short straw” — to be picked for something undesirable: got the middle seat; was left with the Eric; had to marry the Amy March.

“The last straw”/”the straw that broke the camel’s back”/”the final straw” — the thing that, added to all the other things, while small in itself, was the thing that broke you — The last sock that broke the suitcase zipper, the most recent racist remark by the CEO; the “1/” at the end of the otherwise fine tweet; the evil cherry on top; the 58th Scott Pruitt scandal; the Ed Sheeran Grammy; the discovery that the very gentleman reopening the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails was also conducting public business on a private account; the fourth hour of the Peter Strzok testimony; the Cliven Bundy pardon; the back side of the test page when you thought it was single-sided and now you have no time left to finish answering the question; the call back just after you had gotten off the call; the Kavanaugh appointment.

“A house of straw” — 1. a structure built from the best material you had on hand that will nevertheless result in your immediate death the second any danger looms: house of your health insurance; 2. something built on a weak and dubious foundation: House of Cards or other Kevin Spacey vehicle;

“Clutching at straws” — placing too much hope in something that does not seem very likely to work at all (see also “blowing on cartridges,” “turning off and on again”): shouting verbal demands at what is obviously a recording; citing the 25th Amendment; relying upon self-described male feminists; counting upon the Senate to do the right thing.

“Having straws in one’s hair” — a visible sign of some inner disturbance that makes people less likely to trust you for business contracts: arriving at the meeting on a scooter

“You can’t make bricks without straw” — you cannot make something without the necessary materials: you can’t make cell phones without child labor

“Strawberry” — a berry shaped like a red triangle with a festive little hat.

“Straw poll” — unofficial or informal poll: poll that Ron Paul will win!

Enjoy your straw-free life!