What follows is a non-exhaustive list of things I assume Donald Trump Jr. has Googled in the two days following this tweet:

  • mugs that say “wonderful son”
  • is it illegal if you do it to earn your father’s love
  • is it possible to do something wrong if you don’t know any laws and furthermore are rich
  • where in your online dating profile should you put the phrase “wonderful son” should it be before hunting or after hunting
  • part in the bible when God calls Jesus “my wonderful son”
  • clubs for wonderful sons to meet and network
  • is there anything better than “wonderful son” that your dad can say about you or is that the peak
  • was Darth Vader a good dad
  • should you share a tweet on your Instagram that says something wonderful about you but also implies you might have committed a crime
  • but what if it literally says you are wonderful
  • if someone says “my wonderful son” WITH a comma does that mean that they love you most
  • are people allowed to arrest you if you have money
  • what did Paul Manafort do wrong
  • people have to tell you if you are committing a crime otherwise that just would not be fair
  • Cat Stevens song about fathers and sons
  • playlist that is just the Cat Stevens song about fathers and sons
  • father-son activities
  • fathers and sons
  • fathers and sons NOT the novel
  • how old is too old for take your son to work day
  • casual ways to ask people to play catch
  • is it weird to show someone a drawing you made of them that you are proud of if it has been more than 20 years
  • can’t stop crying listening to “Father and Son”
  • Cat Stevens concert tickets
  • are there any famous Goya paintings of Saturn being nice to his children just hanging out
  • should I be taller now that I have confirmation of my father’s regard
  • casual replies to people who know something about you is different but don’t realize that it is that your father sees you as the wonderful son you are
  • “Death of a Salesman” tickets
  • is there a part of “Death of a Salesman”where Willy Loman calls his son wonderful
  • should you capitalize “wonderful son” in a tattoo
  • “it’s a wonderful son” movie
  • what is the fewest dollars you can have and never go to jail
  • how many dollars does Donald Trump have
  • you can only break a law if you understand that laws apply to you, yes??
  • are you sure that seems wrong
  • Ask Jeeves can you break a law if nobody tells you
  • incognito browse so law enforcement cannot see what you are googling
  • how rich do you have to be to never get in legal trouble
  • if you did something that was maybe a crime but it was boring and weird does it count
  • oppo research is legal always yes
  • hair oil
  • most beautiful words in the English language
  • it definitely doesn’t count as breaking the law if someone doesn’t explicitly say to you ‘do you want to do something illegal and break the law’
  • can white people do crimes
  • cops have to tell you they are cops it is the law
  • law requiring Russian spies to tell you they are Russian spies
  • is there a paint color called “wonderful son”
  • wonderful son art
  • wonderful son playlists
  • carry on my wonderful son
  • ways to work the phrase “wonderful son” into conversation
  • matching father-son outfits that are subtle
  • best sons ever
  • should I go blonde