1) Host Lapdance Tuesday in the first week of May, 2011.

2) Hold offseason workouts that none of the team’s stars attend, and pass out “Play Off Starts Here!” t-shirts.

3) When the season finally begins, tell your teammates that you’re “ready to die for this.”

4) Home opener: “How y’all doing? This is your captain, Andray Blatche.”

5) Get booed for like 12 straight weeks.

6) Record perhaps the NBA’s first-ever stat line of “NWT-Conditioning.”

7) Start going to the gym at 3:30 a.m.

8) Tell reporters that your weight-loss strategies include cutting your hair.

9) Miss 20 straight games for conditioning work.

10) Host a “Grand Finale” party on the night of the Wizards’ final game, 51 weeks after Lapdance Tuesday.

(Via @RecordsANDRadio)