Remember when John Wall danced before the Wizards home opener? It was a brief dance, though highly enthusiastic, and it took place well before the game had started, among his teammates, to help pump up the fans.

It also prompted ESPN brainless voice Colin Cowherd to declare that Wall would never win an NBA championship. To wit:

“That tells me all I need to know about J-Wow. Then he opened his mouth later and confirmed it: not a sharp guy. All about him....Rajon’s got rings, Wall will never have one....The great ones are not about themselves. They’re about the others. Leadership is IQ, it’s not skills....My daughter’s 10. Ten years old. She knows the difference between right and wrong. My daughter knows what Randy Moss did is wrong. She’s 10. The haves get it early, the have-nots never do. Look at me, I’m great, I’m unbelievable.”

Bearing in mind that Cowherd does not actually believe anything he says and merely spews forth in an effort to rile up gullible bloggers, the idea seems to be that if a young Washington would-be superstar makes an individual-centered motion before a game, it confirms that he’s not a leader and will never win a title.

If, however, a young Washington would-be superstar does something like that during a game? A-ok. What follows is the most absurd, nonsensical defense of Bryce Harper the universe has yet produced. I was on the fence about the kiss, but if Cowherd’s ok with it, it must have been pretty heinous. The “argument,” if you can call it that:

“He didn’t really blow him a kiss — that was first reported — he kind of just goes smooch, kind of just real quick, not blowing him a kiss. It’s not Manny Ramirez, it’s not exaggerated, it’s not Reggie standing at the plate. He kind of puckered up at him.

People are saying oh he’s immature — you know how baseball is, takes itself very serious — Oh my God he’s being a jerk. First of all, I went and watched it, it’s almost nothing. Second, I worked in minor league baseball for two and a half years...So I’ve done the minor-league circuit. Let me tell you something: you would let a lot of stuff go in minor league baseball that would not be kosher in the bigs. In the bigs, you just don’t do this. If A-Rod jacks one off Jon Lester, you don’t blow him a kiss. You just don’t do it. B

“But in minor-league baseball, I was doing play-by-play once in Tucson, seventh inning stretch, they buried a diamond ring in the infield. During the game. Had people dig it up. Somebody found it. They combed over the infield. Play went on. Ok? This is Vasectomy Night twice a week in Double A baseball. When it comes to Double A baseball, it’s all about promotions. Goofy’s ok, absurd sells tickets. In the bigs it’s all about winning: you win, you sell tickets.

I was in minor league baseball in marketing; it’s basically finding stuff to sell or give to people to get them in the games. Seat cushions, whoopie cushions, whatever it is. So I don’t have a problem with it.”

Posited: because minor-league baseball teams have wacky giveaways, future Major League stars can act like idiots on the basepaths. Just as long as they don’t dance in the dugout before the game actually starts. Got it.