(Alan Diaz/AP)

Zaslow and Hochman devoted some time to it on their show this morning, breaking down the incident for their listeners who may have missed it. After hearing them call Guillen “quiet” and “professional,” I think those listeners may have gotten an incorrect version of the story.

(Note to Zaslow and Hochman. I tried to determine which one of you was squawking at specific times while transcribing this. If I got it wrong, let me know and I’ll rename you Yelly Guy 1 and Yelly Guy 2.)

I don’t listen to Miami sports talk radio, so I’m only guessing that these two have a failing segment called Buzz Off. Or Honk off, or something equally dumb. They ask listeners to call in with what’s bugging them, and they set up this morning’s segment with this suggestion:

“Maybe it’s Bryce Harper if you’re a true Marlins fan. Maybe it’s Bryce Harper, ‘cause you don’t get in my manager’s face. You don’t get up in his grill, be pointing a bat at him. You’re a kid. You’re a kid, Ozzie’s 50 years old. Maybe that’s honking you off.”

Surprisingly, they had no Miami listeners interested in discussing Bryce Harper at 6:15 in the morning, so they were forced to carry the segment on their own.

It started with the setting up of the post game audio, where we learn who they feel the good guys and the bad guys are.

Zaslow: “Ozzie’s the protagonist, right? Harper’s the antagonist?”

Hochman: “I think Harper would be the antagonist, Ozzie would be the protagonist …

Zaslow: “ …Ozzie’s the good guy, yes.”

Hochman: “ …and Davey Johnson would be the…”

Zalsow: “…a protagonist too...”

Hochman: “…a protagonist as well.”

I haven’t seen a story with this many protagonists since “A Tale of Two Cities.” Also, it’s possible that these two don’t know what those words mean. Also also, it must be really hard to take your job seriously when you’re forced to paint Ozzie Guillen as the good guy every day. (It’s worth noting that they broadcast the audio while making fun of how Johnson speaks.)

“First of all, let me tell you something,” said Zaslow after the audio had finished. “As far as Davey Johnson talking about where the pine tar is supposed to be, how far ahead it’s supposed to be on the bat, it’s not a big deal this. Listen, Davey Johnson, you threw Peralta out of a game because he had pine tar on the glove which is not a big deal. I don’t care what Davey Johnson has to say about him thinking that it’s not a big deal. Davey Johnson once said, if it’s a rule, it’s a rule. I mean, he embarrassed that Joel Peralta of the Tampa Bay Rays in a situation that did not need to be…like, it’s a bush league move for the Washington Nationals. And now yesterday, excuse me if I couldn’t care less if Davey Johnson thinks that the amount of pine tar is or is not a big deal. He’s the last person to talk about whether or not it’s a big deal or not a big deal.”

I should mention that pine tar on a bat isn’t illegal, while pine tar on a glove is illegal. Also, Johnson didn’t throw Peralta out of the game, the umpire did. And is Peralta the protagonist or the antagonist in that story?

They went on to call Harper disingenuous, poke some more fun at Johnson and then make this proclamation.

“I’m gonna say it right now,” said Zaslow Hochman. “I have no problem if they throw at Bryce Harper today. I have no problem if they throw at Bryce Harper.”

“Listen, you’re the one who follows the rules to the T’s apparently,” added Zaslow. “And you’re throwing a Tampa Bay Rays pitcher out of the game before he throws a pitch because you’ve got a bush league organization. You’re okay with your own players cheating but you’re not ok with the other players cheating. That is bush league, Hoch.”

Thanks to Holden and Danny for the heads up. Here’s the audio if you care to listen. The segment setup happens at the 17:54 mark and the yelling starts at 29:20.