So Gilbert Arenas was fined by the NBA for something or other he wrote on Twitter. And no one seems to know exactly what.

(UPDATE: Gilbert wrote on Friday that he was fined “for using a bad word...we cant use bad words.” I’m guessing this referred to his tweet about trying to get Stan Van Gundy on Twitter, to which Van Gundy reportedly responded ‘[bleep]THAT david stern is not gonna fined me every TWIT. That, to me, is not actually offensive. Go figure.)

Well, if I were in charge of fining athletes for things they wrote on Twitter — which is not something I’d want to be in charge of — and I had to fine Gilbert Arenas, this is what I’d fine him for: being a complete and utter pig toward women.

I mean, that probably isn’t a fineable offense, but dang if his public attitude toward women doesn’t make me reconsider everything I ever thought about the guy. You’ll recall that his defense’s memo before sentencing made it very clear that Gilbert has done hundreds and hundreds of very kind things for children during his career, but maybe he might want to also serve as an example of how not to be a cad.

And so, scanning his account, there was this:

good mornin twitter fam..i need me a slave to make me breakfast in the mornings..i guess yall might call them hungry

And this:

I‘m the only athlete that’s never cheated on his girl....but I did practice a be good at anything u need practice....So my girl was the GAME and I had practice girls...cmon ppl we all know practice makes perfect..I had to practice befor I went into the GAME....So fellas next time ur girl ask u if ur cheating say NO proudly but then say I practice a lot for u baby..tryin to be the best hahaha....Some ladies didn’t think that joke was funny...I’m sorry..I wanna be the best for u should want ur man to practice his

And this:

who do I hav to sleep with to get my account verified?? I hope its not a 10 to 2 girl!!!!at 10 she’s a 2. But by 2 she’s a 10..if that’s the case I don’t need it verified...

And this:

I feel bad using fake bait to catch [fish]. its like telln a girl she’s the only one and ur a ball player.(They HOPE) until they realize its fake...Since I’m on the subject. Don’t u hate when u meet a girl and she [???] u then ask at sum point ‘am I in ur top 2 or 3’ that’s a [trick] question. I answer like this — Your like a young labron u COULD be a great asset to this team but its all in ur work ethic

And especially this:

#youknowyouugly if ur a SINGLE MOTHER...lmaoooooooo sorry but thats funny...Single mothers out there its a joke...I wanted to be the one with the best line.

I mean, I know these are supposed to be jokes. Hilarious jokes. About mistreating women. I just don’t think they’re all that funny.

And yes, the funnier entry would have said that Gilbert should be fined for his spelling and grammar.