Joe Mauer, perhaps contemplating how best to pop the question in July. (Tony Gutierrez / AP)

This is wonderful news and a welcome break from NBA trade rumors and the heroic football efforts of Tim Tebow (if he got engaged, the internet would just freeze up and die). His intended is Maddie Bisanz, who appears to have the word “Kardashian” nowhere in her name, which is both a plus and a minus. Bisanz is a nurse.

Mauer, the Minnesota Twins’ catcher and 2009 American League MVP, has known Bisanz since high school and told the Pioneer Press. “I was hoping for a yes and she said yes. I'm getting to marry my best friend.”

The other great thing about this news? It offers the chance to quote a certain baseball movie: “Candlesticks always make a nice gift, and, uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern.”