Harold Camping’s Family Radio group is proselytizing that the world will end Saturday. Whether you believe it or not, we’ve got ways to mark the occasion. (Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

So says Christian evangelist Harold Camping, anyway. Camping is spreading word that Saturday will bring the long-awaited return of Jesus, and with it the pesky little matter of the complete destruction of humanity.

If in fact the doomsday set is correct, shouldn’t we make these last moments count?

Brightest Young Things is greeting the prophesy with an End of the World Party on Saturday at its new VitaminWater Uncapped Live pop-up venue on 14th Street. The all-ages party will feature DJs Chris Burns and Sam Burns and the rest of the Deep Secrets crew, spinning soul-shaking deep house. (The space has also optimistically skedded a “Morning After” party on Sunday, beginning at 1 p.m.)

The bash starts at 10 p.m., and it’s just $1 donation to attend. (But if it’s truly the end of the world, we’re thinking your money’s not really going to be worth much, to you or anyone else.)

Drag singer Special Agent Galactica has a stage presence as intoxicating as her rose-colored coif, and now that the long-time lip-syncher is going unplugged, we can only hope she also has just the voice to lull us into a false sense of security when everything is crumbling around us. On Friday and Saturday, Galactica (real name: Jeffrey Johnson) and her adorable crew Capt. Satellite & the Escape Pods shimmy into Black Fox Lounge for performances of “Rapture” — with every song fit for the end times, including selections from the Rolling Stones and Dolly Parton. Tickets are $15.

And if we all survive?

Consider Sunday a chance for a fresh start, a new outlook. You can celebrate and do something good for others at Soundbites, a benefit for D.C. Central Kitchen that features bands and a buffet of grub from area restaurants, including Indique, Jaleo and the practically impossible to get into Toki Underground.