The Washington Post

Future Paul Ryan revelations

Item: “House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan told reporters in New York today that a dozen elected Democrats secretly support his plan to cut entitlement spending and privatize some benefits — but he wouldn’t name ‘because I don’t want to get them in trouble.’”

I’m looking forward to more of this in the future. Such as:

5. Paul Ryan will be passed over by Mitt Romney for the #2 spot on the ticket — but assure reporters that Romney secretly wanted him, and couldn’t do it only because of an absolutely secret reason that would explode the whole campaign if it came out.

4. Three cabinet secretaries plan to vote Republican in November, really truly. Admitted it to Ryan at the gym. Well, not them, but this guy who knew someone in their office. Offices. Can’t tell you who.

3. I’m not saying who, but there’s this e-mail that Ryan got . . . let’s just say the Irthbay irtificatecay might have been involved. I better not say any more.

2. Elvis? Alive. Ryan knows where. D. B. Cooper told him. Probably shouldn’t have mentioned that part.

And the top future Paul Ryan revelation:

1. It’s a dead-heat tie between the tax expenditures that he’d supposedly support to make his budget revenue-neutral, and the Republican “replace” plan once they get rid of heath-care reform.

Don’t worry about that last one. Some secrets you just know will never be divulged.


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