Today’s very special, rumormongering episode of PostScript is brought to you by Dana Milbank’s column on the curious unwillingness of the Mitt Romney campaign to confirm or deny whether the candidate is a unicorn.

Romney is embracing Donald Trump at the moment, and Trump has had a very, very high threshold for accepting proof of President Obama’s citizenship. So Milbank today — picking up on the campaign of a semiserious, internet-fueled Truth Brigade — wants to apply the same rigorous standards to compel the presumptive GOP candidate to prove he is not a unicorn.

Now, Milbank is pretty sure Mitt is not a unicorn. But still, he says, there is an answer, and proof is available — and it is mighty curious that no one is willing to produce it.

Luckily, our commenters are here to tease out the implications of Milbank’s column. Their 2,700-plus comments should be deeply chilling to those who think they know the whole story.

Agx48 says that unicorns have been a slippery nemesis for decades, targeting children with their lies, lobbying for their side to win the hearts and minds of the flying-horse crowd. And the glitter’s about to hit the fan now that the girls are women:

Unicorn propagandists have been preying on little girls’ Trapper Keepers for years. Despite the rainbow t-shirt campaign they’ve been running since the 1970s, we anticipate a vicious political fight with the Pegasus people. The whole thing is going to collapse into a sleepover orgy of vodka cocktails and feminist bumper stickers. After election night 2012, we’ll all need a makeover in the morning.

(PostScript has hazy memories of that sleepover too, agx. Man, the ’90s.)

Publius29 sees something ugly at the heart of this controversy:

Nothing brings out the haters more than pointing out that the other party’s candidate is a unicorn. There are a lot of people out there who clearly don’t like unicorns.

SageThrasher connects the horns:

Aren’t unicorns really AFRICAN rhinos??? So MITT was born in Kenya!!!

Ha ha! As if anyone could keep a secret THAT big.