Take a drink for every Cabinet member that enters the House chamber. Take two when the TV host mentions which Cabinet secretary is in an undisclosed location, just in case.

Take a drink for every time John Boehner shows visible discomfort at something President Obama is saying.

Take three drinks if the president says, “Hey, I think we’ve talked enough about gun control; I have new priorities now.”

Take a drink if he mentions that a majority of Republicans polled supports one of his policies.

Take a drink every time a TV commentator mentions that Joe Biden might be running for president.

Take a sip if the president says, “Let me be clear.” (Anything more than that would be dangerous.)

Take five drinks if he points to a polar bear he planted in the audience to illustrate the importance of addressing global warming.

Take a drink if the first lady is there and looks GREAT.

Take a drink if the president reads something written by a child.

Take a drink every time the camera focuses on two lawmakers of opposite parties sitting together. Take two if a TV commentator refers to this as “Date Night.”

Take a drink for every time the camera focuses on Ted Nugent.

Take a drink for every time the president lies. (You’ll know because someone in the audience will helpfully point it out.)