Fashion is serious business. But Missouri state Sen. Ryan McKenna tripped right off the catwalk with a proposal last week to ban seersucker suits on males older than 8. He felt so passionately about it that his amendment to an education funding bill was handwritten.
Section 1: Any person living in this state aged eight and under may wear seersucker suits at their leisure. Any person over the age of eight living in this state may not wear seersucker suits because adults look ridiculous in seersucker suits, with the exception of Koolaid [sic].
Not sure what the Kool-Aid man has to do with this. Anyway, McKenna came to his senses and withdrew his bill. “It probably wasn’t germane to the bill,” he told the Riverfront Times. “It was all in jest, anyway.” Whatever you say, senator. I get taking a whack at those donning the lightweight summer suit. Two such get-ups used to take up space in my closet. But that nagging feeling that I looked like the Good Humor Man intensified as I got older. Thankfully, no one ever asked me for a cone. There would have been hell to pay.
McKenna’s brief stint as fashion cop got me to thinking about what I would try to outlaw if I were so empowered. Y’all know about my complete disdain for flip-flops. As I write in this weekend’s Outlook section, “At the beach, the foot thong screams ‘I’m on vacation!’ In an urban environment, the message is ‘I give up’ or ‘I don’t care’ — and not in a good way. The freedom flip-flops give the wearer is undeniable. The desire for comfort is understandable. But the sloppiness they inspire is inexcusable.”
Some of the other silly things I’d ban include:
Untucked shirts on men on dates because if she/he looks like a million bucks so should you!
White socks with black shoes because it’s not cute and it is a little sad.
Gym duffle bags as luggage by men aged 25 and older. You’re out of college and off the team. It’s about time your luggage grew up, too.
Tank-top t-shirts, especially under a crew neck t-shirt. Make up your mind, will ya?
Untailored suit sleeves where the man has permanent jazz hands to keep the fabric from swallowing them.
Ties that extend so far below the beltline they double as codpieces.
Parachute pants because even when it was Hammer Time, it wasn’t.
Polo shirts under a blazer as a substitute for proper attire.
White shirts worn without a crew neck t-shirt underneath. No one needs to know you and Tom Selleck have a lot in common.
Of course this by no means is an exhaustive list. What would you include?
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