Liz (left) and Mary Cheney at the Republican National Convention in 2004. (Jeff Haynes/AFP/Getty Images) Two women at the 2004 RNC, talking to each other. Liz Cheney, left, and Mary Cheney. (Jeff Haynes/Agence France-Presse via Getty Images)

The problem with the GOP scheduling lectures and workshops for its candidates on How to Talk to Women, Kathleen Parker writes, is that women are wary of people who have been coached in how to talk to women. In fact, that whole deal is kind of creepy.

Woman: Hello.

Other Gender: I am not afraid of interacting with you, because I have been coached in talking to people of your kind. Shoes, right? Husbands can be annoying!

Woman: Please never write any laws. Thanks.

But Republicans running for office keep saying things. PostScript might argue that one should be mindful of going on about “legitimate rape” to anybody, not just womanpersons. And she would have made this point, if denis189 hadn’t first:

A piece of advice from an old guy: the first step in learning how to TALK to women is learning how to LISTEN to them.

Until we get to the listening seminar, some commenters demonstrate more ways of talking to the babymakers.

There is forgetting which woman she is:


Come on, Ruth. It’s like trying to teach Latin to a pig. It never works, and it only annoys the pig.

There is telling the penis-enviers about themselves:


Democratic women love to be abused. Just ask Monica, Paula, Kathleen*, Gennifer. All girlfriends of Bill Clinton. Democrats are a bunch of hypocrites. Screw all you want, just give me my benefits, is their motto. Talk about immoral.

[Optional part where you listen to a (PostScript guesses) girl respond, if that’s what you’re into:


Democrats don’t legislate against women. Having trouble following the topic?]

[Optional part where you listen to PostScript: “accuser of sexual harassment" is not equal to “girlfriend."]

There is the not-actually-having-to-talk-to women:


They need to “plainly and directly” get the hell out of women’s reproductive decisions.

[Optional possible woman response:

Merry Christmas

Just because they care more about your child than you do, don’t hate them.]

And there is the never having to change anything about how you relate to women, because you’re doing just fine with the ladies, thanks:


If the dimwit Pelosi is the best example of what Democrat women are like, you can keep them. We’ll keep the smart women on our side.

govtminion even has a new woman issue to discuss! With women!:

Dems are stupid enough to think that American women can be bought for the price of birth control, that’s about $25/month in most places, free in a lot of other places. Dems do not seem to mind that the TSA can do cavity checks on women and men at the airport daily.

…Sure. And K_E is already being talked to just fine.

Huh, and here I am a Republican woman with a master’s degree and her own business. Are you saying that the Republican party didn’t speak to me? How ridiculous can you be, Kathleen? Where is the Democrat party attempting to woo me to their side? How are they going to talk differently to me? Where is that article?

This would all be much easier if the females would just make up their mind about the single thing they all want. Then we could stop talking about it already.