So I was working on a serious piece about the pope when this Business Insider story sashayed across my Twitter feed: “Guys, beware: the ‘short suit’ is finally going mainstream.” Even though some of my favorite retailers are getting in on the action, this is yet another doomed fashion trend I will skip. I suppose we have Pharrell Williams to thank for this apparel abomination. The “Happy” singer bared his knee caps on the red carpet at the Oscars this year in a “short tuxedo” and folks haven’t been right since.
— Business Insider (@businessinsider) June 9, 2014
Truth be told, my problem with the short suit isn’t so much with the suit as it is with the people who might don it. I’m thinking about the fellas whose legs are too skinny or too thick to pull off the look. Or the dudes who forget that their bare legs are part of the outfit and, therefore, must look presentable. Use lotion on those knees and ankles, people!
Next, I’m worried about the abuse this fashion trend will suffer. I’m talking about those needlessly adventurous souls who will slap any old pair of shorts with any old blazer to make folks think they’re along for the ride. Heaven help us when said souls put on shorts that are cut so high you’d swear they were from the hand towels section of Bed Bath and Beyond. And you just know someone is going to throw on some flip-flops with it, which would compound the horror and send me off the deep end.
Unless your boss is Anna Wintour or fashion-forward Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Ill.), don’t even think of showing up at the office in one of those short suits. To slap on a short suit is to join what @shortcomment called on my Twitter feed “a new menswear category” he dubbed “Business Casualty.” We finally got men to move away from the atrocity that was “casual Fridays.” Let’s not backslide, fellas.
Follow Jonathan on Twitter: @Capehartj