Whatta you looking at? J.Lo. arrives at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. (Adrian Sanchez-Gonzales/AFP/Getty Images)

And you’ll definitely want to read Monica Hesse’s dispatch from the Vanity Fair Oscar party, where her progress through a sea of stars was halted again and again by the stupendous dimensions of Jennifer Lopez. (“And since you want to know: The tush is firm and springy.”)

Here’s one alarming excerpt:

“Steven Tyler and a dead ringer for Cloris Leachman are pressing their foreheads together in some sort of deeply spiritual communion. She runs her fingers through his hair and murmurs, ‘I’m only 85.’

“There are some things one cannot unsee.”

See also: Celebritology: Watching Meryl and Octavia get their Oscars engraved at the Governors Ball

Oscar red carpet Q&A

Backstage at the Oscars: Octavia, Meryl and others

Read earlier:

The Artist’ wins best picture; Streep takes home third career Oscar, 2/27/12

TV Review: Oscar’s wishful thinking, 2/27/12

Oscar recap on Celebritology

List of 2012 Academy Award winners

Oscar red carpet photos

Oscar ceremony photos