Are aliens eating students at Towson University? (Mark Wilson — AP Photo/Roswell Daily Record )

Here are some allegations, quoted verbatim for the sake of the truth, in a recent letter-to-the-editor in The Towerlight, the school paper at Towson University:

* “There are a lot of unreported murders, assaults, and rapes on the Towson University campus.”

* “The CIA has been using Towson University students involuntarily for scientific experiments and brainwashing for decades.”

* “The CIA actually labeled Towson University a feeding ground for aliens. The CIA actually said that the aliens had a right to eat whomever they wanted on campus.”

* “I know Towson University is one of the most dangerous universities in this country but no one’s reporting the truth.”

The letter, not surprisingly, got my attention, and the attention of many students on campus, and also the attention of the campus police department, which contacted Towerlight editor Jeremy Bauer-Wolf promptly after the allegations hit campus.

The police wanted to know if Bauer-Wolf had contact information for the real author of the letter because the author listed was, in quotes, Chris Carter, who just happens to be the creator of the TV show “The X-Files.”

“We weren’t going to bother him in Hollywood,” said Towson University police captain Robert Novak. “We discounted him right away. We didn’t give the letter any credibility.”

Novak said his officers followed up on the letter out of concern the real author might have “mental health” issues, a concern alluded to in comments to the letter online. Bauer-Wolf did not have any information about the author of the letter, which was, not surprisingly, submitted anonymously.

And anyway, like other commenters on the letter, Bauer-Wolf thinks the whole thing was just a joke.

In an e-mail to me, he said: “We typically do not publish anonymous letters, however, my staff and I recognized the name Chris Carter from the X-Files series and realized it had to be satire. And it was hilarious at that.”

Asked just what the letter was satirizing, and if there were any good inside jokes, Bauer-Wolf replied, “Not particularly.”

I’m sort of glad he didn’t find any inside jokes because inside jokes have to have some relationship to facts, and these are some of the other facts listed in the letter:

* “I’ve seen people literally eaten alive in the campus dorms really. Campus security investigations of crimes were ridiculous and ineffective.”

* “The campus doesn’t want the media to know that the University had over 100 student deaths last year.”

* “The FBI and CIA actually told me that it is not their responsibility to protect students.”

“Carter” notes that he earned his undergrad degree at Towson and came back for graduate school. That prompted this comment on the letter: “If it is so dangerous, why did you return for grad school? The aliens told you you had to?”

Kids today.