Clinton Yates (Breton Littlehales/Post)

For those of you out there wondering how to get a police escort, I have news. All you have to do is ask. In the jurisdictionally murky world of the D.C. metropolitan area, it doesn't take much to curry the favor of local authorities, and I am most certainly not referring to bribes. Fact is, a fair amount of cops are nice guys. Worst-case scenario: They say no. So when Charlie Sheen scored a couple cruisers to accompany him from Dulles Airport to his show in downtown Washington this week, I wasn't surprised. The Post's Mary Pat Flaherty and Paul Duggan report on the latest "scandal" involving MPD.

Things are not looking good for Costco in Wheaton. The big-box retailer that inked a deal to takeover move into Westfield Wheaton mall isn't getting much support from the Montgomery County Council, as it turns out. What's at issue is a $4 million subsidy from the county, a figure that understandably gives some elected officials reason for pause. The Post's Lori Aratani reports on why lawmakers are at loggerheads over whether or not it makes sense to pony up so much money to a company at a time when their jurisdiction is looking to save.

It boggles my mind to think that homosexuality was once qualified as a mental illness. In 1972, the American Psychiatric Association was still considered an old boys' club by some, and standing in their way was Dr. Alfred M. Freedman, who was running for president of the group at the time. And when a Columbia University psychiatrist pushed for an anti-illness classification regarding homosexuality, Freedman was on board. Emma Brown pens the obit of one heck of an American and a dedicated doctor.

When I grow up, I want a German short-haired pointer that I'll name Graham. Not because I'm a huge animal lover, but because that's just what I want. Some guys are far more into animals, and people seem to find this quality rather endearing. So much so that the character of the ”animal-loving man” is a constant in Hollywood, and "Water for Elephants," which opens this Friday is a perfect example. Slate's Nina Shen Rastogi chronicles the whisperers on the big screen over the years. Personal favorite: "Crocodile Dundee." Seriously though, the circus elephant situation is not funny at all. See for yourself.

The Washington Wizards are finally moving out of the dark ages. Everything about this era of the franchise has been a mini-disaster in my eyes, from the naming process (Seadogs? Really?) to the awful teams, and it's time for a change. I'm on the record as saying that they need to rename themselves the Federals, but I'll take their latest move as a decent start. The team announced yesterday that they'll be unveiling a new red, white and blue uniform May 10, but will still be the Wizards. The Post's Michael Lee reports on the most patriotically sorcerous squad in America.

Extra Bites

• In case you don't know, I'll inform you that everything you do is likely being watched. It's a simple fact of life. Now, for some reason, everyone is up in arms about the fact that Google stores EVERYTHING you stick in their search box, and that Apple tracks your location constantly via their iPhones and iPads. ComPost's Alexandra Petri explores the issue.

• Apparently, the District is becoming populated with real paparazzos. Not just random photogs taking pictures of politicians, but actual TMZ-style jerks who will invade your personal space. Awesome.

• Oil tycoon T. Boone Pickens is not only rich, but he's got the smartest pet in the world.

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