The Washington Post

"See, he was from Turkey -- just the white meat part."

"Jam the FBI's optical signals." With duct tape.

"Obamacare is 58 times harder to get into than Harvard."

"A globe game of hide-and-seek. Why did we agree to count all the way to a hundred?"

"Unlike the Bush administration, this time, it's the Obama administration."

"Where did that specific amount of cash come from? It says it came from P.O. Box Bite Me."

"My network contract prohibits me from taking on another full-time job. So, the Senate would be perfect."

"When I look at the U.S. Senate, I say to myself, 'You know what they could use? Another white guy.'"

The Comedy Central host's super PAC is closing up shop.

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