The Washington Post

"We live in your pantry. ... Also, you're out of Berry Burst Cheerios."

"You can wait for them to get the site fixed, or you can enroll in medical school, graduate, then just take care of yourself, which will probably be faster."

"The government should step it and up stop being little crybabies and make up their mind."

The late-night host's image of a GOP divided.

One out of 17 people gave Congress a positive review. Not. Good.