One of the worst career moves I ever made was not following up on manufacturing a virtual-reality hardware piece I had designed for politicians and their supporters. I spent years trying to steady the nerves of my political clients, their families and their campaigns, and as the nightly tracking polls roiled, and my own inner doubts churned, I devised a new solution. I branded the "You're Ahead Head Piece." You put it on like a helmet and through the magic of virtual reality, you see only encouraging information. The bad news is filtered out; even idiosyncratic concerns can be addressed.

For example, if a candidate's spouse complains, "I never see a single yard sign for us. Where are they?" Instead of having a time-wasting 15-minute conversation about how thousands of yard signs are in place, or that they are a waste of money, or whatever, you can simply hand the concerned loved one a head piece. Snap. Every lawn within sight has a yard sign for our guy. The others guy's smattering of signs now all have devil's horns.

Or if the campaign manager is freaking about the half sample last night that showed a wild swing to the negative and is not consoled by the usual blah, blah about small sample sizes, Saturday night polling, or a lack of sample weighting, the head piece is ready. Put it on and pop: a sea of reassuring cross-tabs appears like a balm.

The "You’re Ahead Headpiece," patent-pending, is the ultimate serotonin uptake solution for the political class. It's the must-have for every anxious candidate, jangled operative and nervous supporter. Order today, and get a free copy of your political autobiography, "Reflections of a Guru.”