What if the lockout never ends? What if the lockout ends tomorrow? And what about free agents? My God, what about free agents? This is enough to drive an NFL fan to the brink — but the brink of what?

Does an NFL fan turn to baseball? NASCAR? Tennis or golf? Seriously, brink of what?

By default, NFL fans are now fans of lawyers and courtroom drama and Trump-style negotiations, and so instead of too many men in motion penalties we are penalized to read of way too many motions made by too many men. The life of a football fan has always been, by design, emotionally draining. But now the process numbs the emotions.

Early on in the rift, everyone was calling names and at least that was fun for a while. But then they pretended to make nice and there have been reports of an impending agreement. But is it impending, pending, or depending? The agreement is near, and then it is far away and no one knows if there will be a season.

Of course there will be a season.

But as I wait, I can imagine a fall without an NFL season. I see fans wearing Roger Goodell jerseys to the local courthouse and cheering rabidly while a traffic ticket is being debated. I can hear the courtroom chant now: “De-fense! De-fense!”

Seriously, if you are not going to turn to crime as Ray Lewis suggested, how will you occupy your NFL fan time if there is no season? Do you think about this at all? Will you become a hockey fan and declare your Canadian citizenship? Will you climb Mount Everest, learn to speak Chinese, or write that book you’ve been planning?

There is so much to think about, and so much time to think about it. Is this what they mean by "doing time" “doing time?” Now I see where Ray Lewis was going with his suggestion. I am about ready to go on a jaywalking spree.


Brian Tarcy at briantarcy.com is the creator of Whatzgonnahappen.com, mixing NFL picks and satire. 2011 Season picks are up.