Here’s a prediction: One year after the NFL lockout ends, you will barely remember it. So I suggest you channel all your current angst and anger into something more constructive. Try sexting a body part to someone you don’t know, and then spending time in Congress with your pregnant wife... or at least try playing a couple of seasons for the Minnesota Vikings.

That should take your mind off the NFL labor strife.

While this behavior may not be super constructive to anyone but the titillated, shallow and sometimes truly lame-stream media, it’s behavior that is as helpful as an NFL fan spending any time at all worrying about the current labor situation. The millioinaires versus billionaires chucklehead fight is, seriously, none of your business.

It’s none of your business — as in “business.” It’s true. Your name has not come up once during negotiations. Do you hear me, Tom Brady from Toledo? Whether there is an actual Tom Brady in Toledo, it doesn’t much matter... and to the NFL, neither does he. He is about as relevant as Ray Lewis from Louisville. In other words, they are not worried about you.

So quit worrying about them and consider that it is currently June — early June. Football starts in September and training camp — for those without anything resembling a life — doesn’t start for almost two months. For gosh sake, it’s baseball season! My favorite team, the Cleveland Indians, are playing first-place baseball. Please take a moment to give the Tribe it’s due. It’s more than most of you do for my Cleveland Browns.

I have spent the off-season worrying about my favorite football team. It is a team with a new coach and a super young quarterback. Your favorite team has issues too. But the issue we all worry about is whether the billionaires and millionaires can agree how best to use all of the money they get from helping sell us idiots beer and cars.

And right now, the garbage argument between the two sides is incredibly upsetting to the average fan. And if it drags into the season and the NFL actually misses games, the fall will feel empty. But don’t think for even one moment that the last juggernaut of entertainment left will lose any popularity. Sports, after all, always thrive after labor strife.

Baseball came roaring back, aided by steroids, after the 1994 strike. The NHL lost an entire season but the Stanley Cup playoffs are currently in Boston, where I now live, and the entire region has the hockey fever. That’s just how you will be for your favorite NFL team as soon as the NFL lockout ends. You can take that to the bank. After all, the owners and players will be doing just that.


Brian Tarcy, who ghostwrites books, business plans and speeches, is the creator of Whatzgonnahappen, mixing NFL picks with satire.