1)  “Short Dogg’s in the House!”- Too Short 

For some reason in my experience, most men who are 5’7” or under ADD two inches to their height on their profiles. So, if they say they’re 5’6” they are more likely to be 5’4.” I don’t know if they think that the woman won’t realize it when they meet, or they’re hoping to wow you with their personality, but they do it, so beware.

I certainly don’t like to be “heightist”, but I feel that as long as someone is as tall as my five feet, five inches I’m ok with being a little taller if I have heels on. But I’ve had several guys who said they were 5’7” show up for the dates and I am CLEARLY taller than them in my flats, which is awkward and disappointing and makes the guy look like a liar…well he is a liar and that should be red flag #1.

2) Smile fo me daddy

(What you lookin at?)

Lemme see ya grill

(Let you see my what?)

Ya, ya grill ya, ya, ya grill - “Grillz”- Nelly

I know a lot of men like the serious look, but try to make sure your potential date has a picture that shows his teeth.  I recently went out with a guy who was really cute, but when he opened his mouth I thought his two front teeth were missing. As it turns out, they were there, but they were just hidden because he had fangs on either side that made his front teeth seem invisible.  And his bottom teeth were fighting each other in a battle that no one was winning.  So if you prefer a pretty grill, make sure you get a glimpse of a cheesy grin before you set up a date.

3) “Step out in the light, come show off yourself

Yo, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else” “Strobelight Honey”- Black Sheep

 Speaking of photos: I always like to make sure the person has at least 3 posted.  I am not that photogenic, so of course I choose pictures that show me in a flattering light.But I also make sure that it’s a REALISTIC light.  People with only one picture probably aren’t going to look like that pic when you see them in person. 

I found this out the hard way when someone set me up on a blind date. The friend sent me a picture of the guy – he’s an airline pilot, so he looked really handsome in his uniform.  But in person he looked tired and ashy and at least 10 years older than he did in the pic.  No thank you.

4) “Come and talk to me

I really want to meet you

Can I talk to you

I really want to know you...”  “Come & Talk to Me” - Jodeci

      Always talk on the phone before meeting in person.  ALWAYS.  For some people a foreign accent is a turn on…for others it might be a turn off.  You also find out a lot about the chemistry you might have with a person by talking to them.  It’s easy to be clever and witty over email where you have time to craft your words. It’s not so easy over the phone.  I once made the mistake of skipping the talking part and jumping right to the date after a few email exchanges.  About an hour before our appointed meeting time the guy called to confirm I was still coming.  We proceeded to have one of THE most awkward conversations of my life and I was DYING to flake. I decided to go on the date anyway and it turned out to be a really awkward dinner with the guy.  If I had spoken to him first, I would have realized we didn’t have “offline” chemistry and I wouldn’t have wasted my time, and his, with an actual date.

5) “Boy, the way you blowing up my phone
Won't make me leave no faster
Put my coat on faster
Leave my girls no faster
I should've left my phone at home
'Cause this is a disaster”- “Telephone”- Lady Gaga

     We all want attention…everyone loves a cute text message sent midday that lets you know the other person is thinking about you. But if you haven’t even gone on a date yet and he/she is using terms of endearments and texting multiple times in a day and asking you where you want to go on your first vacation together, he’s probably got really low self -esteem and huge issues. Or at least being someone who doesn’t know appropriate boundaries. 

A guy who was a HUGE texter once asked me to look at apartments with him after our first date. I figured I had driven 40 minutes to bum-you-know-what Reston, so why not?  He didn’t correct the real estate agent who assumed we were looking as a couple and then proceeded to talk about what we would name our first child and where will we go on our first vacation and a lot of “future” talk. I didn’t even know if I wanted to go on a second date much less spend a WEEKEND with this guy.  He sealed the deal when he texted me during work  (we had still only been on the one date) and said he needed to talk about a financial deal about to go south.  I told him I couldn’t talk and didn’t he have any friends in the financial industry he could reach out to?  He responded that he was fine on the financial stuff, he just needed emotional support.  Yeah, no.  He was essentially seeking emotional support from a stranger and anyone who has half a brain can see that that is a sign of someone who will end up bleeding your “emotional support” dry.  Not only is the flag red, it’s on fire.

6) I know this is supposed to be 5 things, but this couldn’t be left out. Besides, FIVE sounds catchier than SIX

“I don't want your number
no I don't wanna give you mine
and no I don't wanna meet you nowhere
no I don't want none of your time”- “No Scrubs”- TLC

No matter WHAT website you are on, you will get WEIRD emails from people.  Just accept it and know that its par for the course with online dating.  While we would all like to check our email and see that we’ve got tons of emails/messages from people who use correct grammar and know how to put their thoughts into words and wow you with their ability to make you laugh and connect with them via their profile page, it just doesn’t work like that.  And paying for a high priced dating site does NOT eliminate crazy messages.  So just be prepared...its going to happen, just laugh about it or share it with your friends...or the world....like I have below:

Hey Little Beauty,

I am still awaiting that call from you we have so much to talk about and only the rest of our life to come up with the answers to life questions, please my dear place a foot print towards me as I am you, for we have a long journey ahead and I would rather take it with you by my side then to take it alone and have my mind clouded with I shoulda, coulda, woulda thoughts of a wonderful you this is my footprint in your direction and I hold out my hand to you, take it and look me strait in the eyes and know that I got you and allow me to guide you into the right direction, so I guess it’s your turn now dear so make your  foot prints so  visible  that God can see them and smile, and I got you from this point on..I pinkie promise..