Last night, I made the calculated decision to not watch the Capitals, and instead attend a friend's squash tournament at a social club in D.C. Very 1 percentish, I know, but it was better than having a panic attack over that win. Laich’s goal was SWEET, though.

Celeste Peterson, mother of shooting victim Erin Perterson, right, hugs Karen Pryde, mother of shooting victim Julia Pryde, after a verdict sided with the parents on Wednesday, Mar. 14, 2012 in Christiansburg, Va. (Sam Dean/AP)

Fairfax County is one of the richest counties in America . Per capita, it regularly ranks in the top five for income, yet it is far from insulated from the problems of the world. According to federal prosecutors, gang members made offers to a dozen or so high school girls to become prostitutes and it worked. And yes, they recruited them at bus stops, in school and on Facebook, court documents allege. The Post's Justin Jouvenal reports on how these Crips allegedly forced the girls to stay in the scheme.

This whole medical marijuana thing is becoming very real in D.C . Today, the city will name the six groups that are allowed to grow and supply weed to users. I won't lie, there's a part of me that finds this completely unbelievable. Considering all the other problems this city has, the decision to start selling drugs is borderline baffling. That aside, Montel Williams is involved, so it must be a winner. The Post's Tim Craig reports on the announcement.

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be on a reality show? And not one of these 'get drunk, party hard' shows, but one that involves regular people doing so-called regular, productive things. Well, when PBS put out a casting call for families to be on “Ask This Old House” and an Old Town family replied, and next thing they knew cameramen were crawling all over their house. Express's Katie Aberbach explains the process of putting your house on television.

Here's the plan for tonight . Call your friends, cancel your lame happy hour at some bar that nobody cares about and start anew. Then, get tickets to D.C. United's game against Dallas FC. Then, go down to Lot 8 at RFK Stadium and eat at food trucks and have fun and talk to cool people. Then go watch a nationally televised game, live with your face. And at halftime, go to the drum circle on the concourse. This is what the cool kids do. You should do the same. Maybe I'll see you there.

Extra Bites

• Every once and a while, we get an 'Only in America' headline. And every once and again, we get a 'Rarely if Ever in America' headline. This is one of them — and it's fantastic.

• My main man Reg knows that I love the Twitterbox. He on the other hand is not so keen. So he suggested this for me. NSFW, I guess.

• When this movie comes out, I will dress like the poster when I show up on opening night.

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