If Eskimos have 26 different words for Eskimo pies, Americans ought to have 2600 words for stupid. Honestly, I simply don’t know what to make of us. Anybody up for burning down our houses, sowing our soil with salt and selling our children into bondage? We might as well! About 71% of the earth’s surface is oceans, and now we’re ruining that too!


Climate change (yes us), ocean acidification (carbon again! yes us), and overfishing (guess who?) should manage to turn this vast resource into a liquid desert. Yay team! We can do anything, gosh darn it, when we put our mindlessness to it! We sit at the pinnacle of human technological ingenuity, and never tire of patting ourselves on the back for it, and here we are, doing BY FAR the most damage to the planet of any generation in history.

But wait! Maybe it’s not true! Maybe American Exceptionalism means that WISHES can be FISHES! Close your eyes and pretend REAL HARD!