Another study! In addition to the nation’s unhealthy addiction to sugar, we have an unhealthy addiction to studies. Studies, of course, are good when used wisely, just like sugar, but we don’t.

More on the problem with studies momentarily, but first, let’s treat this one (semi)seriously for a minute. Too much sugar is bad for you! This contradicts, well, it doesn’t contradict conventional wisdom of 100 years ago. It does contradict about 100 years of advertising dollars which have been telling us that sugar, and more to the point, perhaps, high-fructose corn syrup, will turn us all into a happy cartoon characters, which in fact turned out to be true. Except maybe the happy part.

But now, despite the efforts of the junk food industry to infest our very schools with salty, sugary, fatty plastic-flavored snacks by paying schools for “pouring rights,” scientists are starting to look at the actual facts. And it looks like great-grandma may have been right after all. Even modest amounts of gratuitous sugar harm you. At least they harm mice, the non-cartoon kind. Maybe we’ve learned how to build a better mousetrap! And caught ourselves in it. Female mice die earlier on sugar. So adult female humans should eat less sugar. For male mice, it’s more interesting. “For the sugar-fed males, meanwhile, reproductive efforts were hindered by their inability to hold down territory.” My recommendation here is for adult male humans to eat MORE sugar, while I abstain and capture and hold down more territory.

Now, regarding those who are rightly skeptical about ‘just another food study that will be contradicted by the next one,’ I have advice here too! Yes the studies do come and go and the advice DOES keep changing. But ask yourself when assessing them, what’s the downside to following the advice? In this case not very much. At the very least, you might lose some unwanted pounds and also prevent me from conquering portions of your front yard and holding down the best section of your couch.