Here we go. NOW we have a reason to send humans into space! A diamond mine bigger than all outdoors! Here we have the perfect, perfect single discovery for our greedy, purposeless times. For our insistence that we can trash the earth and fly away to a new and better place! How do you get better than a giant diamond? Whoever gets there first can declare himself King Midas!

Here’s the plan. Build a HUGE rocketship and put the seats up for bid. No, wait, hear me out, this is a good plan. Maybe build it big enough to carry, say 1% of the US population. See where I’m going with this? “Fly away to the Giant Diamond Vacation of a Lifetime! All seats ultra-deluxe Premium First Class! NO COACH. Own a piece, a BIG piece, of the BIGGEST DIAMOND IN THE UNIVERSE!” The richest 1% will get all the seats, of course! We are SO talking win-win here. Collect their money, and pay off the debt. And wave them a fond farewell!

There is nothing to eat there, but the King Midases won’t think of that until it’s too late. The trip is 230 trillion miles, so they won’t be back right away. The temperature? A balmy 3,900 degrees, but the rich LIKE a warmer climate! Of course, then we’ll have to create our OWN jobs, what with the “job creators” all packed up in cryogenic fluids. I bet we’ll figure something out. Maybe even how to appreciate the diamond we’re living on right here.