The Washington Post

Pebbles and Bam Bam

Early humans must have been more like Mooses, before they evolved into Elephants and Donkeys. Yes, I know, the plural of moose is moose, but if we stand for anything here, we stand for our right to take advantage of the fact that no one (as far as I’ve been able to tell) is editing this blog, and words can be spelled the way I choose to spell them.

Anyway, Mooses (capitalized for equally capricious reasons) grew those big antlers so they could clack them together in fights and make a lot of noise for nature films. Pause, pause, pause,….CLACK. It’s not always clear who is winning, but eventually one Moo gets tired and slinks away, usually uninjured. Early humans were probably more like that, as I presume gorillas still are, with a lot of chest-thumping and bellowing and spinning around in a menacing way, until one gets dizzy and lies down decides he’d rather make a wreath out of leaves to decorate his head with and have a banana. But no, humans had to get SMARTER. It wasn’t, as they always tell you, about figuring out how to fit boar bristles into a brush to paint the Mona Lisa, it was about fitting a sharp rock onto a stick so they could kill their enemy to death rather than just tire him out. The brush was just for applying war paint.

And here we are. When we aren’t fighting the OTHER tribes out there in the Faraway Lands, we have to do SOMETHING, so we might as well turn on each other. Millennia of trying to channel our nasty into productive civilization keeps getting bludgeoned by ever-larger sharp rocks. Yes, we are in it for the kill now, and graceful backing away grows ever less likely. Real damage is getting done now, and sometimes that just heightens the blood-lust. What’s odd in this situation is that the REAL Alphas, the ones who have accumulated the ACTUAL power (money), are HIDING, and allowing others to do the actual fighting. Acting like they aren’t involved or responsible. Alarmed, fretful bystanders, our wealthy elites! Nice work if you can get away with it. But, oh! The numbers have fingerprints. Money speaks louder than whistling. Time to take a closer look at what it’s been saying, and to whom:

Situation evolving.

Tom Toles is the editorial cartoonist for The Post and writes the Tom Toles blog. See all of his cartoons here.


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